Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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