god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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