so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
