Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
