I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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