so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
