he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
