All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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