Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
