Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
