Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
