He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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