Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
