i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
