You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
