We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
