I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
