anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
