just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
