I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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