funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
