Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
