Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize