my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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