MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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