She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
