So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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