I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize