so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
