just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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