Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
