Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
