You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
