so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
