She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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