I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
