I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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