; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
