you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
