i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
