Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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