We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
3pm strippers are depressing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize