So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
