apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
