how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
