Come see our sink grown plant.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
