My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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