the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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