There was a lot of him and a little penis
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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