guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
