The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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