feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
