Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
