Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
