I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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