my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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