Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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