gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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