You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
