haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
