Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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