i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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