I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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