They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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