I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
