and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
