Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Randomize
