Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
