Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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