How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
