i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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