shes about as inviting as chlamydia
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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