On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
