at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
