The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
