Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
