Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
