I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
