i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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