I hate your face
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
