Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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