we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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