So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
