I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize