I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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