party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
