It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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