in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
