I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
