K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
