This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have tasted many bathrooms
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize