i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
