It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
