I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize